He uses pillows to masturbate.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
