Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
