I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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