I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Randomize
