Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
