I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize