I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize