The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
