Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
