I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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