Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Houston, we have a squirter
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
