i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
