It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She bit a glass in half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
