You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
