We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
