dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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