I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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