if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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