threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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