my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
where are my eyebrows?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
