I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
