I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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