I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
