Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
