I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
