Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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