I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
