If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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