Your mouth is God's brothel.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
