Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
