after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
