I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
