Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
