I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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