I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will be naked everywhere
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
