I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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