he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
