i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just pee around me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
