morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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