if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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