I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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