so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
