This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
