Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
