Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love having hate sex.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
