Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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