i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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