Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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