The maid of honor just puked.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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