i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
