I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
