i think my tv is drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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