party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
