We're facebook friends in real life
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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