I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
