Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
