That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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