I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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