I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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