I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
