im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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