apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this boner is exhausting
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
