This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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