I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
