You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
