Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize