The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
