hell yes lets make some ravioli
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize