Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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